This is a real interesting day for me. Today is the first day since I started my program that I will work out away from my team. I have been asking myself why it has been such a big deal. There are going to be many times in the next few weeks that I will have to make other plans for my work outs. It's not like I don't have a membership to a local gym. I joined that gym almost a year ago and I haven't been there as much in a year as I have to the wellness center in just two weeks.
Tonight I took Caity to the basketball game where she was cheering for the girls varsity. My plan was to be at the game with her, then after bringing her home, I will go over to my gym since it is open till 10:00pm. I'm sitting there kind of watching the game, when I realize that I am worried. About what? Failure. I am worried about failing my work out somehow. I know it sounds stupid to think about failing, but that's what I was doing. It took me awhile to realize that I was equating success with my team, rather than myself, because I have failed many times in the past. But I have to remember what was said in our first meeting, forget about past failures & successes, they will just mess with your mind. I have got to remember that I am part of the team, but ultimately any success or failure is mine, and mine alone.
At the end of the game I came home, changed my clothes, and went to the gym. Lyndsie went with me so I didn't have to go alone so that was helpful. I had spoken to Ron on Monday night about what to do and so I had a plan for the treadmill. He wanted me to do 45 to 60 minutes, at a good walking speed, with the treadmill set on an incline of 3 or 6. Piece of cake. I turned on the TV and found the movie "Bad Boys", with Will Smith...Dang he is so good looking.........Ummmmm.......What? Oh, sorry just daydreaming for a sec. Oh yes, so I put on the closed captioning, put on my iPod, and away I went. I tried to keep it at a steady pace, but when a good song would come on, I would adjust the speed to match the tempo of the song. Lyndsie was on the elliptical behind me, and must have thought I was was losing my mind, or having a medical incident, because she could see I was watching the movie, but she didn't know about the music and the faster tempo. My goal was to do 60 minutes, but, I started trying to talk myself into quitting at 30 minutes. I did that whole, "I'll just do 30 minutes", then 35, 40, 45, 50, and soon enough, I was done. I was concentrating so hard that when Lyndsie walked up behind me I jumped! I finished my work out and called it good. To this very minute I still don't understand what made this such a big deal to me or why I was so fearful.
We stopped at Publix to get a couple of things since it is right next to the gym. I can only imagine how bad Lyndsie and I looked after working out, but at least I didn't feel the need to get a candy bar on my way out. Baby steps......
Tomorrow is a team workout at 6:45. I can't wait!
Kelly
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